Love does not always follow some kind of predictable pattern and for some, love changes and shifts throughout their life. This strange experience is much more common than one may grasp, and has a name: abrosexuality.
Thought she was a lesbian
It’s time to delve into the meaning of abrosexuality – and how the exploration of one writer’s 3-decade trip led to greater view in an often misunderstood label.
In a personal article in Metro UK in July 2024, writer Emma Flint revealed her poignant account of discovering that she was abrosexual – after three decades of wondering why her attractions kept on changing like the seasons.
Flint, aged 32 at the time of writing the article, remembers how she thought, “I’m a lesbian, then, “no, I’m a lesbian again, then, “no, I’m not a lesbian, I’m a lesbian again, then I’m not a lesbian,” “no I’m not a les
She said for decades she was “uncertain of who I was”.
I felt like I was out at sea. I also felt like a fraud with the amount of my identity that I changed when chatting with loved ones,” explains the freelancer, from Staffordshire, England.
“It wasn’t that I couldn’t make up my mind but that my identity changed,” One day I’d feel like a lesbian while days or weeks later, it would more fittings to identify as bisexual. My sexuality was fluid.”
It was not until she came across the word “abrosexual” in an online forum that everything fell into place.
“Finally,” she writes, “I felt seen”.
What is abrosexuality?
Healthline states that abrosexual – a lesser-known lgbtq+ identity- is a type of sexual fluidity.
‘Abrosexual’ is a person whose sexual attraction changes very frequently. they may come to identify with the term ‘gay’, later be attracted to people of all genders, and then not experience any sexual attraction at all.
Explaining the identity, the health, and wellness provider writes, “Terms like homosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality and pansexuality refer to the genders of the people you are attracted to”. The difference in the term ‘abrosexuality’ is that it does not designate a gender – it is just a fact that your attraction to sexuality changes with time.”
Sharing an excerpt of her personal experience of her constantly changing attractions, Flint records, “I love the person, not their gender so it doesn’t matter if my sexuality changes when I’m with them.
“However, despite explaining this, there always are some people who love to insist on me picking a lane so that my identity doesn’t upset them. I want people to know that just because you don’t know or understand what an identity is, doesn’t make it less authentic.
What does abrosexuality look like?
It is one of the most crucial points to know about abrosexuality yet that it does not follow a single pattern. It looks different for everyone.
To better visualize things, Healthline provides a few examples of how abrosexuality could manifest:
Day-to-day shifts: Sometimes you may find that you are only attracted to men, and then you wake up the following day, and you are only attracted to women.
Gradual changes: You might actually find yourself attracted to individuals of every gender for some time only to realize that a few weeks or months down the line, you can only have feelings of attraction for a particular gender.
Fluctuating attraction levels: You may have a time when you feel little to no sexual attraction at all – sometimes called asexual feelings – only to discover months later that you have turned it back on again and feel more active, for different genders.
Long-term evolution: You may be a straight male for your whole life, and only then figure out that you have feelings for other guys, creating new levels of identity within you.
These are only snapshots of possibilities. There’s no single “one-size-fits-all” experience one can have being abrosexual, and that is what makes the identity so unique and personal.
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— Em (@LiterateElf) April 1, 2025
“We’re all learning new things about ourselves all the time – that’s what growth and development is about.” Flint writes. “Later, I hope that abrosexuality will become something normal, another identity that someone may have or not, and not something to be ‘on trend.’.
Flint’s story is not just an individual one – it is a reminder of the importance of language and representation as tools people use to realize themselves. Many people can lead an entire life believing they are ‘broken’ or ‘out of place’ because they’ve never been given the right word to define what they’ve been feeling.
What is your position on all these identities? Please let us know what you think and then share this story so we can start the conversation!
