When Tom called his wife on a Monday morning, his voice sounded false happy, like men do when they’re up to something. He said, “Honey, my boss told me to go on a week-long fishing trip out of town.” It might help me earn a promotion and be good for my job. “Can you get my fishing gear ready and pack enough clothes for the week?” And don’t forget about the blue silk pajamas I bought.
Lisa, his wife, stopped for a moment. There was something about the way he spoke that bothered me. She kept playing along and grinned at the phone. “Of course, dear,” she said in a kind voice. “I’ll take care of everything.” She packed his clothes, tackle box, and the blue jammies he had asked for.
A week later, Tom arrived home with a tan, a smug look on his face, and a smile that was just a little too large. Lisa seemed calm when he got to the door, like a person who knew more than she was saying. “How was the fishing?” she asked to start.
Tom said, “It was great,” and then he took off his tie. “Got some swordfish, bluegill, and salmon.” I had a great time with my boss. He frowned in perplexity and said, “By the way, why didn’t you pack my blue silk pajamas like I asked?”
Lisa grinned slyly and raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I did,” she said in a voice that was as sweet as sugar. “Those were in your fishing box.”
Tom stood frozen for a long second, understanding just what that meant. The silence between them said a lot. You could hear the faint sound of a marriage lecture from far away. It took a long time, but it worked quite well.
The Lawyer and the Doctor
At a busy party on the weekend, a doctor was doing his best to relax while holding a drink. But every few minutes, someone would come up to him with a new “emergency.” A man pulled up his sleeve to display a rash. Someone other mentioned their back hurt. A third individual leaned forward and pointed out a mole that was hard to notice. The doctor smiled nicely the whole time and gave free advise that he didn’t remember asking for.
After more than an hour of these unscheduled encounters, he sighed and looked at the man next to him, who was a lawyer and seemed absolutely calm. “How do you deal with people who always want free legal advice?” he asked, half angrily.
The lawyer grinned and took a sip of his drink. “Simple,” he said. “I give them advice, and then I send them a bill.” The doctor laughed and waited for the joke to end. “Are you kidding?” The lawyer said no. “Not at all.”
The doctor thought it was funny and a touch inspiring, so he decided to give it a shot. He sat down at his desk the next morning and drafted bills for everyone who had bothered him at the party. There included a full list of “consultation fees” with each payment. He filled the envelopes and proceeded to the mailbox, feeling oddly joyful.
He opened it, but there was already an envelope inside. He wanted to see what was inside, so he ripped it open and halted. It was a bill.
From the lawyer.
