“You aren’t my dad.” He still hears those words in his head as he thinks about all the times he tried to make things right with his stepdaughter. He has been there for her every step of the way, even though he hasn’t been in her life. He finally responds, “No more,” when he sees the bill. What do you think of the hard choice he made?
My wife passed away when my boys were four and eight years old.
After that, I got married again, and I’ve been married to my second wife for eleven years. She has a daughter from a previous marriage. It’s a long story concerning her ex-husband, but let’s just say he’s still alive and not in their lives anymore.
My stepdaughter was 12 when we got married, and my biological children were 9 and 13. For eleven years, I tried to build some bridges. I would give her gifts and make sure she received what she wanted every time. I tried everything I could to make her feel good.
I paid for the best private schools I could find for her, and I would accompany her to school and to her various activities. My wife also opted to be a stay-at-home parent when she left her job in marketing on her own, so I worked day and night to give her the life she deserved. Even though I tried my best to treat her like my own sons, she still held a grudge against me.
Five years ago, when my stepdaughter graduated, our relationship hit a breaking point.
My stepdaughter didn’t want me to go to my oldest son’s graduation, but he did want his stepmother, my wife, to go. She only requested her mother to come because her grandparents, who live in my wife’s home country, had said no, even though she had two tickets.
I said, “Why?” She said, “You’re not my dad; you didn’t raise me, and I don’t want you around.” I was so sad. She still despised me even though I worked hard to win her over. I still paid for her college (and my son’s college).
But a few months ago, she told my wife that she was going to get married. My wife told me what happened. It was much worse because I had made a cake, balloons, and a lot of other things for her to come home to celebrate. Then, at the last minute, she changed her mind. She just told my wife to go to her apartment without me and my boys. It hurt me.
When I finally called to say congratulations, she tried to cut me off as quickly as possible.
She said no to my last request, which was perhaps the potential for a father and daughter to dance together.
When the bill came, I didn’t say anything, and my wife stated she needed money for her wedding. I thought about it a lot, but in the end I told her I wouldn’t help pay for her wedding because she didn’t see me as her father. I informed my wife that I wouldn’t pay for her wedding, but she could use the money she had saved if she wanted to. She was upset at me because I was a nasty person and she didn’t have a lot of money saved up.
My wife’s relatives, especially her close family like my father-in-law and brother-in-law, have all called me to ask for money. I still stand by what I said, even though it has pulled our family apart and turned into a complete mess. Is this the right thing for me to do?
