I was taken aback when my husband, Jake, presented me with a timetable that was intended to assist me in “becoming a better wife.” On the other hand, I did not blow up but rather played along. Unbeknownst to Jake, I was about to impart upon him a lesson that would cause him to reevaluate his recently acquired methodology regarding marriage.
I have always taken great satisfaction in the fact that I am the one that maintains a level head inside our marriage. Whether it was a new activity or a random YouTube video that claimed to revolutionize his life in three simple steps, Jake, bless his heart, had a tendency to get swept up in things like that quite readily.
| Image courtesy of Pexels: a man sitting in an armchair
However, we were strong up until the time that Jake met Steve. The kind of person who would talk right over you when you tried to correct him, Steve was the kind of person who believed that being noisily opinionated made him right.
Additionally, he was a man who was perpetually unmarried (who could have guessed? ), and he was quite kind to all of his married coworkers, including Jake, by offering some relationship advise. However, my sweet husband was completely enamored with Steve’s self-assurance, and Jake ought to have known better.
Up until Jake started making some offensive remarks, I didn’t give it much thought.
Pexels is the source of this image of a man looking to the side.
“Steve believes that the most successful relationships are those in which the wife is the one who is in charge of the household,” he would say. Alternatively, “Steve believes that it is essential for wives to give their husbands a good appearance, regardless of the length of time they have been married.”
My response would consist of rolling my eyes and making a caustic remark, but it was starting to get under my skin for some reason. Change was occurring in Jake. When I let the laundry pile up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job, he would sigh; he would also raise his eyebrows if I ordered takeout instead of cooking.
Afterwards, the event took place. It was one evening when he returned home with The List.
Pexels is the source of this image of a serious woman.
He then unfolded a piece of paper and pushed it over to me as he sat me down at the kitchen table.
His voice was dripping with a condescending tone that I had never heard from him before, and he began by saying, “I’ve been thinking.” “Lisa, you are an amazing, wonderful wife. On the other hand, there is room for advancement.”
My brows perked up in surprise. “Are you serious?”
Despite the fact that he was entering a potentially hazardous area, he gave a nod. Oh, yeah. The realization that our marriage may be even more successful if you, you know, took a little bit of initiative was brought to my attention by Steve.
Pexels is the source of this image.
On the paper that was in front of me, I fixed my gaze. A timetable was in place… Additionally, he had written “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” at the very top of the page in uppercase letters.
Based on what Steve, a single man with no prior experience in romantic relationships, believed I ought to do in order to “improve” myself as a wife, this guy had actually taken the time to sit down and plan out my whole week.
On a daily basis, I was required to get up at five o’clock in the morning and prepare a gourmet meal for Jake. The next step was for me to “stay in shape” by going to the gym for an hour.
One of the women looking down | Image courtesy of Pexels
What comes next? An enticing assortment of responsibilities, including cleaning, ironing, and doing laundry. Before I left for work, I had already completed all of that. When Jake and his pals came over to hang out at our apartment, I was supposed to prepare a meal from scratch every evening and create some gourmet snacks for them to enjoy.
I do not even know where to begin because the entire thing was sexist and offensive on so many different ways. The end result was that I found myself staring at him, wondering whether my husband had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and for us,” he said, completely unaware of the situation.
Pexels provide the source for this image.
I believe that you could profit from — Steve believes that it is essential to keep a structure in place.
“What would be beneficial to me the most?” I interrupted, trying to maintain a dangerously calm tone. Jake blinked, seemingly taken aback by the interruption; however, he rapidly recovered from his state of shock.
As you may already be aware, having some direction and a timetable is quite helpful.
I wanted to challenge him by hurling that piece of paper in his face and asking him if he had developed a desire to die. To my amazement, I grinned instead, which was something I had not done before.
I responded with a kind tone, “You are correct, Jake.” It’s a stroke of good fortune that you crafted this schedule for me. The following day, I will begin.”
There was an instantaneous look of relief on his face. While I was getting up and putting the list on the refrigerator, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. Very close. He had no control over what was going to happen.
As I went back to reviewing the crazy schedule the following day, I couldn’t help but smirk to myself. If Jake was under the impression that he could present me with a list of “improvements,” then he was about to discover the extent to which our life could actually accommodate a structured environment.
“Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever,” I titled the new document that I opened on my laptop after pulling it out of my bag and opening it. He yearned for the ideal spouse, right? That’s cool. There was, however, a price to pay for perfection.
My first order of business was to make a list of everything that he had recommended for me, beginning with the gym membership that he was so enthusiastic about. In all honesty, it was rather hilarious.
There is a personal trainer who costs $1,200. Despite my best efforts to suppress my laughter, I typed.
It was then time for the food. Jake’s desire to dine like a king was not going to be possible given the amount of money we had available for groceries at the moment. Everything made from organic, non-GMO, and free-range ingredients? Those items were not inexpensive to purchase.
The amount that I wrote was “$700 per month for groceries.” It’s likely that he’d also be required to contribute to the cost of a culinary class. Those were expensive, but hey, perfection could not be obtained for nothing.
As I envisioned Jake’s expression once he saw this, I leaned back in my chair and laughed to myself. However, I was not finished. Oh no, the crowning achievement was not yet complete before it arrived.
In light of this, it was clear that I could not possibly fulfill all of these demands while also maintaining my employment. In the event that Jake desired for me to devote 100 percent of my time to his ridiculous regimen, he would be need to make up for the loss of my revenue.
Taking out a calculator, I attempted to calculate an estimate of the value of my pay. I then added it to the list, along with a brief notation that read, “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef when she starts working for you.”
The laughter I was having at this point caused my stomach to hurt.
I also made a proposal that he should consider expanding the house, just to be on the safe side by adding it. As a matter of fact, if he was going to schedule frequent get-togethers with his pals, they would require a specific location that would not interfere with my life, which had just become extremely organized and structured.
A separate “man cave” will be constructed for a sum of fifty thousand dollars so that Jake and his friends do not interfere with Lisa’s schedule.
Once I was finished, the list had become a masterpiece in its own right. It is a masterpiece despite the fact that it is a financial and logistical headache. A wake-up call was what it was; it wasn’t just a counterattack.
Once I had it printed out, I placed it in an orderly fashion on the kitchen counter, and then I waited for Jake to return home. He was in a pleasant disposition when he ultimately made his way through the door that evening.
“Hey, babe,” he yelled out as he dropped his keys on the counter where they were sitting. The paper was almost immediately brought to his attention. This is what it is?
During the time that I was watching him pick it up, I managed to keep my expression neutral and fight the urge to chuckle. To help you become the best spouse ever, I remarked in a pleasant voice, “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” and I meant it.
The thought that I was participating in Jake’s little game caused him to laugh. The smile, however, began to fade as he read the first few words of the text. The slow awareness that this was not the humorous prank he thought it was was something that I could see him slowly coming to terms with.
“Wait… what exactly is all of this?” He looked at the numbers with a narrowed gaze, and his eyes widened when he saw the entire amount of money. When it comes to a personal trainer, $1,200? When it comes to groceries, $700 per month? What the hell is going on, Lisa?
My arms were crossed as I restrained myself against the kitchen island.
You want me to get up at five in the morning, go to the gym, prepare gourmet breakfasts, clean the home, prepare supper, and have your friends over to my place? It occurred to me that we ought to factor all of that into our budget, don’t you think?
During the time that he was turning the pages, his face became entirely white. 75,000 dollars per year? Are you going to resign from your position?
I nodded my head. There is no other way that I am supposed to adhere to your plan. It’s impossible for me to be a wonderful wife and also have a job, right?
He was completely befuddled as he stared at the article.
Pexels is the source of this image of a man astounded.
All of the information, including the statistics and the ridiculousness of his own demands, came to him all at once. A creeping knowledge that he had seriously, terribly messed up replaced his smugness, which had vanished in the process.
“No, I didn’t intend to…” Jake stutteringly looked at me with wide eyes as he approached me. I’m sorry, Lisa, but I didn’t intend for it to turn out this way. I was just thinking that —”
“You thought what, did you? Do you think it’s possible for me to ‘better’ myself like that? Although my tone was cool, the pain that was coming from within was quite palpable. I want to tell you, Jake, that marriage is not about schedules or lists. The issue is one of respect. You will be paying a whole deal more than what is written on that page if you ever attempt to “fix” me in such a manner again.
