I “won’t be able to work” after the baby, so my husband advised me to save money while I was pregnant. Here’s what happened next.
My spouse insisted that I save money while I was expecting because I wouldn’t be able to work after our baby is born.
I was six months pregnant and expected love and support while juggling cravings, swollen feet, and a full-time job. But what did I get from my handsome husband? There was a note in a piggy bank telling me to “SAVE UP” for maternity leave. Who do you suppose will experience a harsh awakening?
Pregnancy is supposed to be a beautiful time, right? Anticipation, excitement, and the priceless glow of a baby bulge. But let me tell you, it could also occur if your partner suddenly stops being human. I was thrown a curveball by my darling Dan that would have made a saint swear. I am 35 years old, and my name is Regina. I believed I understood life quite well.
“Hi, sweetie!” I heard Dan shout out as I waddled through the front door, my six-month-pregnant belly leading the way. “How was your work?”
I groaned and took off my shoes. As cozy as a whale on the beach lounging in an office chair. But I was successful.
Dan giggled and glanced down at the grocery bag I was carrying. “What did you get?”
I said, “A dress that doesn’t make me feel like a sausage in casing,” as I took out a flowing maternity dress. This is quite comfortable! Just what I need to squeeze my growing belly and breathe comfortably.
His eyebrows shot upward. “Whoa, wasteful spender! You’d better watch that money, my love.
I laughed, thinking he was joking. What an idiot I was. 😡
He answered, keeping an abnormally serious expression, “No, seriously.” “You have to begin saving money.”
For what purpose? Perplexed, I inquired. “The baby stuff? Yes, for months we have been putting money aside.
Dan gave me the sensation that I was missing something as he shook his head.
“No, for the postpartum period when you won’t be employed. Recall that you will still be responsible for your portion of the expenses.
I blinked, thinking I had misheard him. “What? I apologize.”
Dan said, “Well, yeah,” as if to clarify what we meant by “wetness of water.” We always split it equally between us. What reason is there for that to change just because you are expecting? Fair and equal!
I stared at him, waiting for the funny to happen. It never came to pass. 🤷🏻♀️
I said to Dan, “You do realize I’ll be healing from pushing a tiny human out of my body, right? And then giving that person ongoing care? recovery from delivery. You know what the concept is, right?
He shrugged his shoulders. Yes, but that doesn’t mean our expenses will disappear overnight. I also promise not to start earning twice as much money overnight. Save money right away to prevent running out of money.
I felt as though I was in an odd parallel universe. 😨
“Let me now make this clear. You want me to put in exactly the same amount of work as I would if I worked a full-time job in addition to recovering from giving birth, caring for our new child, and taking unpaid maternity leave?
“Just that!” Dan grinned, as if I had at last grasped a crucial truth. “Note? You understand.
It eluded my comprehension. Not even close. 😢
That night, as my body continued to swell and I tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position, I heard Dan moving around the living room.
When I came back from my fifth midnight bathroom trip, there was a pink porcelain piggy bank with a Post-it note stuck on it on my nightstand.
“START SAVING, MOMMY!” is what Dan scribbled on his chicken scratch.
“Dan?” I sobbed out loud, astonished beyond belief. “What is this?”
He grinned as if he had just discovered a means to eradicate world hunger as he looked at the entrance. It’s for your savings, honey. It will be necessary for you.
Then he started giggling. Really laughed.
I took a long look at the piggy bank and then another long look at Dan. That’s when I decided what to do. If Dan wants to play this game, I will too. I would win, too. 😈
I became a human calculator in the days that followed. Throughout my pregnancy, I meticulously recorded every dollar I spent and every minute I spent. Was Dan trying to find a 50/50? Yes, he would accept 50/50.
I created a spreadsheet called “The True Cost of Growing a Human” and got to work. vitamins to take during pregnancy? Check. Maternity clothes? Yes, in fact. But I didn’t stop there. Regretfully, I went further. 😏
I shouted, “Hey Dan, quick question,” one evening. How much does it roughly cost to urinate seventeen times in one night?
He looked up from his phone, perplexed. “What?”
I smiled and said, “I’m just estimating the increase in the water bill.” “Oh, and how much would it cost to carry a bowling ball in your shirt around all day while you’re at it?”
Dan’s eyes went narrower. “Regina, what are you discussing?”
I smiled naively. Just some pregnant math, please. Don’t worry about it.
Every day that went by, my list grew larger. I took into account every expense, including the more obscure ones like “hormonal cry session over dog food commercial” and “3 a.m. existential crisis about becoming a parent,” as well as the more evident ones like hospital appointments.
After a week of close observation, I was at last prepared. I printed out my masterpiece, an incredibly detailed pregnancy spending invoice.
When Dan came home from work, I was sitting at the kitchen table with the invoice in front of me and the piggy bank next to it.
Putting down his briefcase, he asked, “Hey, what’s this all about?”
I smiled. Alright, just a quick read. Would you please take a look?
Dan picked up the paper and sat down. As he read over the list, his eyes widened.
“Regina… what’s this?”
That’s your share of the pregnancy costs, my beloved hubby,” I said with delight. “As per your request, we’re splitting everything 50/50.”
His mouth dropped as he saw the sum at the bottom. “This… this isn’t right.”
“Oh, you’re right 😙,” I replied to him. “I performed a pretty fantastic job. As you can see, there’s even a line item for “mental distress caused by demands for money from spouse.” It was pretty pricey.
Dan’s expression showed an amazing range of feelings, including surprise, astonishment, doubt, and finally dawning awareness.
“Regina, I… I meant no harm at all.
I held out my hand. “Oh my, you were very direct. Do you recall that we split everything in half? So you have already covered half of the costs associated with the pregnancy. Don’t worry, once the baby arrives, I’ll keep an eye on everything. Diaper changes at 2:00 a.m. Each will set you back $20. taking care of a child? We’ll talk about it as $50 for each session. I also impose a beauty tax on every stretch mark.
Dan looked like he could faint. “But, but, but…”
I patted the piggy bank and said, “Now, I suggest you start saving money.” In the end, you’ll need it.
After glancing at the invoice, Dan turned his attention back to me. At last, he let out a heavy, defeated sigh.
“I have been a fool, have I not?”
I nodded sagely. “The largest.”
With the poise of a pregnant penguin, I made my way to our room, pausing only to give the piggy bank a mocking pat. Dan, now it’s your turn to feed the pig. I can assure you that it has a voracious appetite.
But I wasn’t done yet. Dan’s financial awakening has just begun, oh no. 😌
Over the next few weeks, I became a pregnant accountant extraordinaire.
Every single time you visit the store? exact marks reminiscent of military hardware. new bills for healthcare services? Right on Dan’s tab, nice and easy. Did the baby wake me up at three in the morning because it wanted to practice river dancing on my bladder? That was definitely on the list.
I started charging at every twinge, every waddle, and every time I had to ask Dan to tie my shoes because I couldn’t see my feet.
Running errands and feeling like I had a bowling ball in my shirt? And that came at a significant convenience cost.
Dan’s eyes got bigger with each new figure. I swear, his wallet was wriggling in his back pocket. He was pilfering from me faster than a shopaholic with a fresh credit card during a Black Friday deal.
Dan finally cracked when I watched the numbers surpass my ever-growing waist circumference.
He cried out one morning, “Okay, okay!” with his palms out in surrender. “I comprehend. I totally get it.
Then the tide shifted suddenly. Over the next few weeks, Dan’s attitude totally transformed. 🥳
He started taking care of the house more, accompanied me to doctor’s appointments, and even signed us up for a pregnancy yoga class together.
One evening as we sat on the couch, me with my feet in his lap and him giving me a much-needed foot rub, Dan cleared his throat.
“Regina, I owe you an apology,” he added, his expression uneasy. a noteworthy one.
I raised an eyebrow. “I’m paying attention.”
“I was so focused on the money that I completely lost sight of what’s really important.” I added stress to your circumstances instead of providing support as you raise our child. I’m sorry.
My eyes began to well up with tears (dull pregnancy hormones).
I shook hands with him. “I want you to know that from now on, we’re in this together. “Enough with the 50/50 crap,” in its entirety.
Does this imply that I can destroy the invoice?
I nodded and winked slyly at you. “Under one proviso.”
“What is that?”
I grinned. “Together, we get to smash that piggy bank.”
It had been weeks since he had laughed. “Acquire.”
And so, with great ceremony (and maybe a bit too much excitement), we broke that gigantic lump of ceramic into a thousand pieces. We removed broken crockery, but as we swept up the pieces, I couldn’t help but think that we had eliminated more.
I suppose I learnt a valuable lesson today, Dan said as he collected the last of the piggy shards.
“Oh, I see. What is that?
He pulled me in closer, his hand resting on my tummy. “Never undervalue a pregnant woman who knows Excel!”
I agreed to let him trash the invoice, but only after he assured me that he would take responsibility and support the family in the event the kid was born. I convinced him to put down in writing that he would cover all of our expenses while I was pregnant.
That piggy bank, what about it? Let’s just say that its mended remnants now stand as a memento in our garden and pay homage to the day Dan realized that marriage and parenting are about more than just keeping score. It’s about functioning as a team.
