Money can cause shifts in the way people in your closest relationships behave. We tend to think that family is the most important thing and that we’d give anything up for them.
When those you love don’t appreciate your sacrifices and instead use them to advance themselves, the damage isn’t only in your heart. They go on for a long time and are not easy to repair.
Having financial troubles is bad enough, but being betrayed by someone you trust really adds another level of pain that no amount of money could describe.
Words from a Mother
My mother kept telling me how important family was and that what mattered most was being with family. For me, she was unshakeable, my biggest supporter and I knew she would always think of me above all else. During hard times, my mother did what she could to keep the worst from affecting me.
My dad didn’t live with us, so I was the only child my mother raised. Being both mom and dad, she made tough decisions with confidence and grace and I always trusted the efforts she made to look out for me—as far as I knew.
And when she called me very late and sounded like she really needed me, I didn’t think twice. I didn’t take time to think about what was happening or find out the details. I made my decision based on instinct and love. Her pleas were full of emotion and I truly felt that what she said was true.
A Request That I Couldn’t Refuse
Mother told me on that night that I had to find $20,000 right away or it would mean her home was gone. I didn’t have the funds, but it was never a problem. I applied for a loan from my bank. Being able to support her was the only thing I could think of. Each decision was without hesitation. She was my mother.
Yet, I found myself in shock over what came after.
When I visited later, I thought I would find signs that she was having trouble with everything. Instead, the house I saw was completely redone with new furniture, a huge TV and it felt more like a display in a store than an at-risk property.
When I noticed she had a key, I asked her, confused and heartbroken, “Haven’t you been about to lose the house?” She smiled and told me, “You’re still young and you can make that money back.” I only wanted to be happy for one day.
I was really upset. Betrayed. In that instant, nothing seemed like I remembered about her earlier.
Learning to Live With What Happened
Tonight, I am lying in bed struggling to breathe under the burden of my debt. I keep going back to what was said, hoping I somehow missed some detail that can explain it all. Every time I have to make a loan payment, I am reminded that they hurt me without hesitation, no matter how I felt about them.
I used to believe people were wrong to warn about mixing money and family because it wouldn’t happen to me. How do you cope when your abuser is your mother?
How can you accept someone who has been unfaithful? And how are you supposed to go on after your parents leave you to sink, but pay for a new living room set?
