When my younger brother Darren lost his job, I jumped at the chance to help him. That’s what families do, right? I gave him $3,000. Two weeks later, I was looking at Instagram when I saw Rita, his girlfriend, tagging posh steakhouses and posing with expensive handbags. My stomach flipped.
I tried to think the best of him. Someone else may have paid for those. It might not have been his fault. But when I got home, my TV was gone.
There was more than just the TV. I also lost my stash of emergency cash, two pairs of shoes, and my video game console.
Darren was the only person who had a key to my place.
I called him. No answer. “Did you take my things?” I sent a text. Please call me. Nothing. That night, I didn’t get a lot of sleep. He wouldn’t do that, would he? I continued asking this question.
I went to our mother’s place early the next morning. Darren had been staying there. She said hello to me like nothing had occurred.
“Are you here to get Darren?” she said in a kind way.
“No. I need to talk to him.
Darren was lounging in the living room like nothing had happened. I didn’t sit down.
“Where are my things?”
Instead, he shrugged and didn’t blink. “Relax. I was going to let you know that I had sold it.
I looked at him. “Say what?”
He actually laughed. You are acting like a bank. I’ll find work and get it back someday.
“You took my money and then used it to party?”
“You live alone. There are no kids. You can pay for it.
Mom’s silence stunned me more than his bravery. She kept drinking her tea until I said, “That’s stealing.”
She said in a whisper, “He just needs a little time.” “You know he’s had a rough time.”
“No,” I said. “This isn’t love. It makes things happen.
I stepped out with shaking hands. That afternoon, I told the police about it. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I wouldn’t let him use my trust against me.
Two days later, Darren called, quite angry.
“Did you really call the cops?” That’s not cool.
I said, “It’s low to steal from your brother.”
He hung up. I changed the locks on my house, went to the pawn shop, and blocked his number. The TV was gone, but I was able to buy back other things.
Weeks passed. Then, a call came from a number I didn’t know. Marissa is a lady.
She said, “This is about your brother, but you don’t know me.”
It looks like Darren was juggling a lot of lies, such pretending to be a music producer, meeting her cousin while still with Rita, and taking out a $600 loan to “buy studio equipment.” He was gone after that.
He told me that you were rich. “that you always gave him money,” she said next.
Suddenly, all that was wrong and every lie made sense.
Not long after that, Mom called me again. Darren was arrested and charged with stealing money for concert tickets online. The new police report and my own finally got him in trouble.
Mom begged me to go see him. “He needs help,” she said.
I said, “No.” He needs a mirror.
Darren was put on probation and ordered to go to rehab by the court in January. A few weeks later, I saw him in the store. He looked tiny. He didn’t look smaller in any way. Just cut down.
He didn’t ask for anything. He just said, “I made a mistake.” I get it now.
Then he handed me a folded piece of paper. You have to pay back $100 every two weeks.
I took it because it looked real, not because it was money. This wasn’t the first time he acted like a victim.
He has stuck to the plan for eight months now. He works in a warehouse. Rita is no longer a part of it. He is still going to therapy. He is also taking responsibility for the first time in years.
Last week, I asked him to come over. We spoke, really talked, while we drank a couple beers and ate tacos.
“Do you still think I’m a loser?” he inquired.
I looked at him and said, “No, you will stop being a screwup when you finally stop blaming other people.”
This showed me that it’s important to set limits; it’s not mean. It keeps your peace of mind. Also, it can be the only thing that wakes someone up at times.
It’s okay to get rid of someone who is taking up all of your time, money, and trust. Sometimes the only thing that can help them grow is the line you set.
True change can only happen when grace runs out.
