For the past few years, I’ve been trying to make a life for myself in a different state than my chaotic extended family. I’m 29 years old. What I desire is peace. But this last weekend, I flew home for the first time in years to see my family. I quickly remembered why I stay away.
My distant cousin Brielle, whom I haven’t talked to much since high school, caught me off guard. After some awkward small conversation, she started asking me very pointed questions about my job and pay. Then she mentioned something about how nice it must be to have so much “extra money” because I don’t have to pay for a husband or kids.
That’s when she told the secret. She told me that the best way for me to “contribute to the family” would be to pay for her complete wedding since I don’t have any genuine financial obligations of my own. She said that would be a kind thing to do and that she would pay me back later.
I chuckled because I was so surprised. When I saw that she was serious, I told her there was no way I would comply. She started crying right away, which caused a great scene. My aunt rushed over soon, and after hearing Brielle’s tragic story, she looked at me with contempt and said, “Well, she has a point.” What else do you want to save up for?
When I stood there with family members I hadn’t seen in years, it seemed like I had simply stepped into a bizarre dream. I looked at my aunt and then at Brielle and stated as softly as I could, “I’m saving for my future.” This is not for someone else’s Pinterest imagination.
That didn’t work out.
My aunt shook her head at me like I was a mean, selfish person, and Brielle cried even more. “Family helps family,” she added fiercely. “Especially when they have the money.”
I departed without saying anything else. I needed to breathe. It was all so odd that I didn’t know if I should be mad or laugh again.
That night, I let it all out while sitting on the porch swing with my cousin Liana, the only family member I still got along with. She nodded slowly and said, “They act like being single is a sin that you have to make up for.”
That truly hurt. Because it felt that way.
Liana told me that Brielle had been talking about her dream wedding for months. She said it would be at a posh restaurant with a designer outfit and a plated supper for 200 people. She said, “Everyone wanted to know how she would pay for it.” “Well, I guess we know now.”
It seems that I was picked to be the unexpected donor.
The next day, I went home, feeling tired. I thought that would be the end of it, but it wasn’t.
A week later, I got texts from numbers I didn’t know. Some were passive-aggressive, like “Not everyone is lucky enough to be childless and carefree,” and others were just plain cruel. My mom called me and said, “Your aunt says you embarrassed Brielle.” She was trying to stay neutral, but it was evident she didn’t enjoy it.
I told her that all I had done was say no to a ludicrous request. My mom sighed and went on to something else.
Things got worse after that.
Brielle wrote on Facebook, where everyone could see it, that she had been “deeply betrayed by someone she once admired” and that “some people care more about hoarding wealth than building love.”
There were friends, distant relatives, and even individuals I didn’t know who left comments to say they were sorry. Some folks tagged me directly. One person even asked, “How can you sleep at night knowing you’re ruining someone’s big day?”
I was about to deactivate my Facebook account right then and there. But something inside me broke instead.
I didn’t write a long defense. I simply posted one status: “No one has the right to your money.” These people don’t just show up when they need something.
That post spread like wildfire. Messages started to come in, some nice and others harsh. But the transformation had started. A few cousins secretly told me they agreed with me but were too scared to say anything. Someone even told me that Brielle had begged her for money before she asked me.
They didn’t come after me initially. Just the biggest one.
The last straw was when I got a handwritten note in the mail. Yes, a letter. From Brielle’s future spouse. It started with, “You don’t know me well, but I know love when I see it.” He went on to say that “Brielle has been through so much” and that “this wedding is her dream, and you can make it happen.”
He ended by stating, “Be the hero she needs.”
I couldn’t believe what the letter said. Who writes that to someone they don’t know?
That’s when I understood it wasn’t about me. Not really. They thought I was just a wallet with legs.
I didn’t say anything. I sent all the screenshots, messages, and the letter to a family group chat that I didn’t use very often.
I made it plain that my message was, “This is harassment.” If it doesn’t stop, I’ll get a lawyer. No, I won’t be paying for anyone’s wedding.
After that, I left the group.
After then, there was no more radio. This quiet lasted for around two weeks.
Liana sent me a mail one day. “You won’t believe this,” she wrote.
The wedding for Brielle was called off.
It looks like her fiancé had taken out a personal loan to assist pay for part of the wedding without her knowing and lied when he said it was “taken care of.” When she found out, she called off the whole thing. She wrote another sad Facebook status about “betrayal” and “starting over.”
I didn’t brag. I didn’t say anything at all. I just sat there and thought about everything.
But I did text Liana and say, “Wow.”
“Karma works quickly sometimes,” she observed.
For the next few months, everything were quiet. Please stop sending disrespectful messages. No more requests that are too much. I thought about my life and the things I was saving up for.
Next, something interesting happened.
A woman I met years ago at a computer convention got in touch with me. She remembered that I had told her I intended to start my own business someday. She had also quit her job and was looking for a new one.
Before we decided to go for it, we talked on the phone for a long time and made plans. I used part of my savings—savings I had worked hard to keep safe from my family’s guilt—to get our first app up and running.
It didn’t catch on immediately away. But it belonged to us. It became bigger each month. It expanded slowly but surely.
I was on a panel a year later to talk about women in technology. I thought about everything I had been through as I looked out at the crowd. I thought about how saying “no” wasn’t a sign of weakness; it was something I had to do.
Liana sent me another message later that night.
She said, “Guess who is selling wedding dresses on Facebook Marketplace?” and sent a picture of Brielle’s profile along with it. “Now she’s going for less.”
I didn’t think that was humorous. Not really. But I did feel something, maybe peace.
People will always try to change the choices you make in your life, and that’s just a fact. People will always want to tell you how to spend your money. Your time is also a useful resource. This is especially true if you don’t fit their idea of what “normal” is.
But just because you chose a different path doesn’t mean you owe anyone anything.
I chose quiet over chaos. I decide to set limits instead of feeling bad. And that’s why I could agree to something that mattered to me.
No, I didn’t pay for Brielle’s wedding.
But I paid for my dream.
And I’ll never regret that.
You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone if you feel bad about doing what’s best for you. Stay calm. Keep your happiness secure. Make your future.
And don’t ever say you’re sorry for saying no.
Have you ever had someone think they were entitled to your time or money due of the choices you made in your life? Tell your story, and if you believe in setting limits, don’t forget to give this post a thumbs up!
