Many families are approaching their breaking point because they have to take care of both their kids and their elderly parents. People are speaking out more because they are stressed out by having to do everything—school drop-offs, work, and medical emergencies—often without pay or aid.
As people get more and more tired, the concerns concerning what family support really means become more and more urgent. One of the readers, Nancy, wrote in to say that she wouldn’t care for her mother unless she was paid.
Nancy wrote:
Dear,
My name is Nancy, and I’m a 35-year-old single mother with three children: a 7-year-old, a 3-year-old, and a 6-month-old.
My 74-year-old mother lives with us for free and used to help me take care of my kids. Unfortunately, she fell badly and can’t be active or help anymore.
She didn’t want to go to a nursing home, so I offered to stay taking care of her at home as long as she compensated me for my time and work.
It was disappointing that she said that.<|image_sentinel|> She said, “You owe me; I’m your mom!”
That night, my oldest son called me in a panic. I couldn’t believe it.
My mom was in charge of everything. She had phoned a nursing home, and they were coming to get her. But that wasn’t the only thing that surprised me.
A moving truck had come and stolen half of the house.
She had lost everything, even the furnishings she bought when I moved here. She even gave me my baby’s crib, which went missing.
When I called her, she said, “This is what you get for not being grateful!” I looked after your kids for years. “Now that I can’t help, you’re ready to get rid of me!”
But I don’t think I’m being unjust. I’m a busy mom of three, even though I’m not a nurse.
I can’t take care of someone else by myself because of the physical, mental, and financial costs.
At the very least, she could give money. I love my mom, but love doesn’t pay the bills or help me relax. There is nothing in life that doesn’t cost something.
Is it rude for me to ask about that?
—Nancy
Her story brings up a question that a lot of families are pondering these days: when love and duty collide, how do we know when to help and when to give up?
