I thought my marriage to Daniel was steady and happy for seven years. We all wanted to pay off the house, go on vacation, and maybe start a family. We had a comfortable home and steady work. Life wasn’t perfect, but it felt like ours.
I liked that Daniel was organized, realistic, and paid attention to the details. I didn’t know that he had been secretly keeping track under his pristine exterior.
Last month’s normal checkup changed everything. Because of my bad pain, tests were done, and then my doctor said, “We need to operate right away.” I had a hysterectomy, and because of problems that came up during the surgery, I would never be able to have kids. Our plans for the future fell apart overnight.
I felt sad and broken. Daniel said, “We’ll get through this together,” to emphasize that he was there for her. You are the most essential thing. I kept that promise as I tried to get healthier.
Three days after the surgery, I went into the kitchen and stopped moving. The fridge has a list of things with the title:
“Please pay back the costs of taking care of Rachel as soon as you can.”
Daniel wrote out a list in neat handwriting:
$120 for driving to and from the hospital
$75 a day for three days of help with getting dressed and bathing
Preparing food: $50 for each dinner (9 dinners)
$60 for getting meds
$100 for more laundry
$300 for not showing up at poker night
Support for feelings: $500
TOTAL AMOUNT DUE: $2,105
I couldn’t believe it. He had put a price on the attention he gave me when I was having trouble walking and getting better. I was angry and embarrassed, and I knew I had to do something.
For the next three weeks, I wrote down everything I did for him in great detail, such cooking, cleaning, doing errands, and being there for him when he needed me. I put a price on each piece of work. I even put in a section that went back seven years and included “conjugal duties” like birthdays, anniversaries, food shopping, and all the work I had done over the years that no one knew about.
At the end of the month, I had $18,247. I made a copy of it, put a stamp on it that said “FINAL NOTICE—PAYMENT DUE IMMEDIATELY,” and put it next to his coffee cup.
At first, Daniel laughed. After reading the bill, he stopped smiling. He looked pale and asked, “What is this?”
I said in a calm voice, “It’s the cost of being your wife.” “Every meal, every chore, and every bit of emotional support you took for granted.” You charged me to take care of you after surgery, therefore I utilized your logic in our marriage.
He sputtered, “You can’t be serious.”
I looked him straight in the eye. “And what you did to me wasn’t a big deal?” You made me feel like I was simply a cost. So, do you want our marriage to be a business deal?
He paused for a long time, crumpled up his first bill, and murmured, “I’m sorry.” I treated you like you were a burden instead of my wife.
I said, “No,” firmly. “You treated me like I was a cost.” If this happens again, the next bill could come from a lawyer.
He genuinely seemed ashamed for the first time. We decided to see a counselor, and he promised that he would never again make me feel like I was simply a number.
A marriage is not a book of accounts. There is more than one thing that makes up love. There are some teachings that are simply too vital to ignore, no matter how weird they are.
