Both cleanliness and health depend on maintaining proper personal hygiene. Some people prefer to take a shower every day, while others only do so occasionally. One reader, however, believes that the problem is more serious: her spouse only takes a shower once a week, which is beginning to strain their marriage.
The reader wanted advice, so she shared her story.
“My spouse works five days a week, but he only takes a shower on the weekends. When I comment that he starts to smell by the middle of the week, he simply responds that he is too exhausted after work.
They have been wed for around one and a half years. She didn’t think much of it at first. He worked nights and she worked mornings, so she seldom ever saw his routine. He barely took a shower once a week, she discovered when she began working from home a few months later. He changed his clothing every day and didn’t smell, so she initially overlooked it.
But eventually, especially at night, it started to annoy her. She tried giving him clues, like mentioning that the weather called for a cool shower, but he never answered. She personally took a shower every day, but she was concerned that it would be impolite to criticize his hygiene practices, which included cleaning his face every morning.
He had to change to a physically hard day job, which made things more challenging. Despite his humid return, he had not taken a shower. She said, “It grossed me out.” However, it wasn’t until she became pregnant that she faced the problem head-on.
“As I might be more sensitive during pregnancy, I asked him to take a shower at least three times a week,” I said. She underlined the significance of cleanliness for both the baby’s health and her personal comfort. Unexpectedly, he consented. Though relieved, she wished she had raised her voice earlier. Her husband was helpful and considerate both during her pregnancy and after the baby was born.
After everything calmed down, though, he resumed his previous behavior.
Sweaty from long workdays, he would change his clothing when he got home and pick up their newborn without taking a shower. I winced at it. I was concerned that the infant would be harmed by bacteria and germs.
It was more than simply how often he took showers; he started to smell strongly of himself. “He only took one shower a week, and even that didn’t cover up the oil in his hair.” One night, she eventually went up to him. She called him “gross” and “disgusting” after venting her long-standing frustrations. He appeared stunned, and she immediately felt bad about how harsh she had been.
He said he had never agreed to take additional showers or altered his cleanliness regimen, which shocked her. This caused her to doubt her recollection and wonder if she had fabricated his consent. She recalled their earlier chat while crying, but he denied it. He walked out of the room as she sobbed herself to sleep with their infant.
After giving it some thought, she realized she might have misinterpreted.
He had been trying to meet her halfway by cleaning himself with alcohol rather than taking a shower. They both expressed regret. His surprising reaction to her question about why he doesn’t want to take more showers was, “I don’t want to wash off my manliness.” She was astonished.
She’s more forthright now. The fragrance makes her urge that he take a shower at least three times a week. However, he still brushes her off, saying that he is tired from work. When she noticed his shirt was smeared with filth and bits of dead skin, everything came to a head. “It’s not just the smell,” she informed him. “This is a medical problem.” He ignored her worries, though, and went to bed.
Now she asks herself, “Am I expecting too much?”
